Härry Über Alleys
by SorenGladfeldt
Summary: Harry Potter meets Finnegans Wake. Pearings: Harry/Ginny/Hermione/Luna/Cho/Padma/Neville/Katnis s Vadermort/Uncle Vernon
1. Coins Like Marbles

Harry did awake upon the day, looking about the room as if entranced by the wonders of life itself. Hedwig cooed to him warmly as if to issue a declaration of love upon miraculous lifebreakers by which our oceans did sing of you.

"Good marrow, my sweet owl," he did say. "What have ye for me today?"

And from Hedwig's beak did she produce a large parcel formed of Uncle Vernon fused with his clone from the universe on the other side of the mirror.

"YE SHALL PAY FOR THIS HARRY FUCKING POTTERR!" the large Angry Vernon did describe his rage with such words. And then and only then did Petunia emerge from her place in the dresser smiling as though she were a resident of Stepford, or maybe a camel…

And is it with it now that then and here did Dudley arise from the sea, clad in robes spun from silver with diamonds engraved into his palms like wishes made by the young girls who long for dreams to breach them in the night.

"Harry," the young boy called, "you will conquer victory triumphantly!"

"Mozzeltov!" Harry did reply as he stepped through the magical mirror and was transported to Hogwarts where he would begin once again his magical education in the magical arts.

Upon arriving at that place, he did find his dearest sweet Ginerva, who, with eyes of brilliant emerald, did stair him down longingly.

"Harry, will ye be mine future groom?" she did ask.

"Of course," the boy did respond. "Ye and Luna and Padma and Hermione and Cho and Katniss and Neville shall all be mine beloved brides on this most glorious of days."

"How wonderful it is!" Ginerva did sing as she flew to the ceiling to rejoice with the angels at the news of the wedding between her and her beloved and the fact that she had been chosen as part of Potter's ELITE SEVEN.


	2. The Decoration of the Duma Continues

The day of the wedding, Harry did stand at the end of the Greatest of All Halls, with Ronaldo, his Man-At-Arms, by his side who did agree to be his best man, and Dumbledore, Albus Wolfric Percival Brian, who did stand at the altar, ready to perform the ceremony.

The ELITE SEVEN then did walk down the aisle, the order of whom will be: Luna, Ginerva, Padma, Hermione, Cho, Katniss, and Neville.

And they will, upon reaching the end of the Greatest of All Halls, encircle Harry, who shall, while Dumbledore, Albus Wolfric Percival Brian, performs the binding-of-the-souls-for-all-of-eternity-ritual, shall make sacred love upon each of them, in the sequence of his own choosing.

And at the end, they will then, following the ceremony's close, be a single, beauteous household, holding one another closely as it truly and genuinely possible without being a false promise of a primrose of brimstone—much like that of which the angry preacher at the religious service will preach for aesthetics (not anesthetics).

Then Harry and his ELITE SEVEN will move into their castle by the sea, where their collectively raised children (of which, he shall all father) will eventually attend the duplicate Hogwarts which will be paid for by Petunia from the Angry Vernon's very own wallet, on the condition that, of course, Dudley can be the school's patron mermaid, having been surgically transformed by Dr. House from having legs to having finds and gills as well as lungs so he can breathe underwater and hopefully discover the secrets of immortality through immorality from the RACE-OF-PEOPLE-WHO-DO-LIVE-BENEATH-THE-SEA.


	3. Hagrid in Space

I take her into that special place which I do entitle as my room, where, stringing them all along beside her and myself as well, I plan to engage in a passionate love-making session during which I shall one by one, impregnate each and every one of them, from Luna to Padma to Hermione to Ginny to Katniss to Cho to Neville. And they shall all each birth they whom shall be known to all as mine own children.

They all giggle and snicker about happily like the little elves and warlocks which they long so longingly to be for a long while and will always linger lacefully and spitalittae on thyne ways.

We're all atop the bed now, happily engaging in our hourly hours of exuberance and ecstasy.

"HARRY!" they all scream in unison, as I propel them forward using only my man-pole, and mine see doth enter them from behind, empregnating each with mine own future children, whom shall hopefully soon conquer and walk the earth, roaming the flour beds and riding upon hippogryffs like the eagles who consort consentingly with their neighbors' consoles and console they who do weep miserably.

And with that final heave, I, Harry Potter, hath finished the job, and now must rest. I look about myne beloved wives, who each coo and simmer happily in the fading daylight as the sun falls beneath the horizon to light up the people in China who walk upside down. Finally the stars come out, and they shine and shrink as the water runs in the neighbor's creek.

And with that, I am now asleep, sleeping sleepily with myne womyn and Neville wrapped about me as such that I do not need a blanket, besides, our dog, Hedwig XIV, needs a place to sleep and rest her tired head, so we do give her the blanked off our bed as we sleep in the dark moonlight that reflects off of the sign while it is busy shining over China where the people walk upside down.


	4. A Nuanced Proposal

I, Hedwig XIV, hereby do write this story of the lives of Harry and the ELITE SEVEN and their lives immediately following the marriage rites, which were all done right. Harry, who did love each of his wives and Neville equally, did then proceed to make sacred love upon each of them, releasing that which will make to fertilize his wives and Neville so for to procreate many children


	5. 5 retpahC

This must be quick as I do not have time to terry about and twiddle myne thumbs. My name is Sevmus Lupnape and I am the result of Remus Lupin and Severus Snape fusing together after a consensual union of our own choice.

Why am I here? You may choose to aske, well that, quite frankly, is beyond me, as I promised ourselves that as soon as the union is complete, we would take a honeymoon to the Frisian Islands for some licorice and rum.

But the main point which I do wish to convey is that Vadermort is afoot! And he aims to slaughter the ELITE SEVEN and break poor dear Harry Potter's heart and furthermore shatter his soul. This must be preverted at all costs and obliterated like the lightning sun which does rise up over the horizons of Venus (we've heard it's very nice to watch).

Also, we fear that the Vadermort is spreading heresies to the local house elves in their communes and collective farms where they do grow crops for to feed they who are wizards who do make of magic and such like the mountain do and die yet lives on and on and on.

But that which is not and isn't to come had me long ago at the face of the moon, which, as I understand it to be, is coming down upon us in shards!

This is why, I, Sevmus Lupnape, have chosen to become a children's writer, and will read my works to said children at parks, free of charge. My first work will be a simplified version of Beowulf.

But as of yet, this, I do truly have yet to understa


	6. Chapter 0000000000000006

I, Lord Vadermort, do hereby declare upon writing this here document, that all is write with the world, and I must thus make all WRONG!

Therefore, upon which my understanding is as follows: Nigh can be derived from such maddening follies and things, so thus as a result, I intend to slaughter the Harry Potter and of his kin in their sleep so that I may conquer victory triumphantly, myself.

But how is this possible? You may ask. Well, as it is and isn't not that which couldn't not be unimpossible. But mark my words: YOU DID MISUNDERESTIMATE MY POWERS, CORNELIUS FUCKING SNOW! AND FOR IT, I SHALL MAKE THEE PAY MOST DEARLY.

But in that little town which does sit by the sea, I think that I shall see a whale upon the surf, wearing green banana trunks and a moody blue bikini top. But unlike this, which isn't not to come over me like the water which does crash upon the shore, I will will it into myne own will. There, once ye whorecruxes have been found, the serum will be all mine to devour in horrour with honour. Hazzah!

So now I do cast mynself upon that old wooden broomstick, which does proceed the vacuum cleaner in elegance, though gets better petrol-mileage, however, and fly off to have tea with Ronaldo, and talk him into joining myne cause, since mine other death eating children have all long since abandoned me.

And once I have convinced him of my virtues, truly I will truly be truly invincible as well as effectively invisible. And that which is invincible, is verily invisible, and that which is invincible, may as well be invisible. But only I do know this one key fact: A monkey upon a doorstep is not the way to the heart by which I do should have known a lot of things as to the heart of this very matter.


End file.
